


A Very Hawkeye Haunting

by yodepalma



Series: fma ship weeks 2016 [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Crack, Fluff, Haunted Houses, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, Parody, Pre-Slash, RoyEd Week, Sorry Not Sorry, that's probably not news
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:44:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7614946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodepalma/pseuds/yodepalma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy/Ed Week Day 5: a sudden silence and Horror movie AU.</p>
<p>Berthold Hawkeye left Roy his mansion when he died. The only catch? He has to stay in the house for three nights without being driven away by the plethora of ghosts that are said to haunt the halls. Thankfully, he doesn't have to do it alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Hawkeye Haunting

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't even going to post this, but Bats convinced me people would like it. (I am easy to convince.) So here it is.
> 
> This is an alternate universe, but don't ask me for details. I know there's alchemy and automail but otherwise? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Are they in the military here? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Is this canon-divergent AU or some other type of AU? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Why is Ed even staying in the horror house with Roy to begin with??? ┻━┻ ︵ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ︵ ┻━┻

_A Very Hawkeye Haunting_

The loud crashing noise from the side of the house broke clear through their argument, cutting them off before their proximity could cause them to come to blows (or worse), and when it faded away they were left with a silence that pressed in on them with ill intent.

"What was that?" Roy asked quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

"How the fuck should I know?" Ed snarled back in an equally quiet tone. Roy marveled at his ability to sound so furious at such a low volume. "This is your dead mentor's bullshit haunted house! I don't know why you even want this place; it's a hellhole."

"Are you telling me you actually _believe_ in ghosts, Elric?" Roy asked, raising his eyebrow mockingly. "And here I thought your heart belonged to science."

"Shut the fuck up and go find the source of that crash," Ed snapped, and shoved him in the shoulder. Roy stumbled backwards a step because Ed was far too strong for such a stringy-looking guy, but then he grabbed Ed's still outstretched hand.

"I am not going out there on my own," he said sharply. "Have you never watched a horror movie? That's just begging to be the first one killed."

"Oh for fuck’s sake," Ed growled, but he let Roy pull him along anyway.

Roy somehow forgot to drop Ed's hand as they left the room. Well, okay, he "forgot" to drop it, but either way, the longer they walked the more it bothered him. Had Ed really not noticed that they were essentially holding hands as they strolled through the stupidly endless hallways of the Hawkeye mansion? Would letting go now be more noticeable than just continuing to hold it? Should Roy indicate that _he_ was okay with the hand-holding and, in fact, would quite like to continue doing it for as long as Ed would let him? (And maybe they could go out for a date some time?)

Roy was a mess. Ed had ruined him and they weren't even dating.

"Hold up," Ed said suddenly, tugging on his hand and bringing him to a halt. Roy looked over at him in surprise, and Ed's cheeks flushed a delicate pink color. "Do you hear that?"

Right. Focus. From behind the double doors to their immediate right, Roy could hear the sound of...sawing? But he and Ed were the only people in the building. He frowned and reached for the door handle.

"Woah, woah, do _not_ do that!" Ed said, pulling him bodily away. "What was that about not having seen horror movies again? I am not going into the _saw room_ , nope, no way. Ain't happening."

"I'm sure that decision will come back to haunt us," Roy said.

"Are you serious right now?" Ed asked. "Because you _look_ like you're serious, but you _sound_ like you want to be pushed into that room head first. Hey, maybe they have one of those swinging blade things! That'd be a sweet way to die."

"It is some consolation that my death will be entertaining to watch," Roy admitted.

"You're a jackass. C'mon, weird crash to investigate, remember?"

Ed pulled him down the hallway, and didn't let go of his hand. Roy might have grinned. Just a little. Especially when he squeezed Ed's hand and Ed didn't respond except to blush again.

The next thing that drew them up short was the sound of a young girl singing in the room Roy knew for a fact had been Riza’s bedroom. Roy stared at it for a long minute, utterly perplexed; Riza, as far as he knew, was alive and well and probably training Black Hayate to kill people if she blinked at him the right way. There was definitely no reason for a child's ghost to be luring them into her bedroom.

Unless Berthold had knowingly given his daughter a bedroom that was haunted, perhaps expecting them to be playmates. Looking back on things, Roy wouldn't really be surprised.

"I don't even want to check this one out," Roy announced. "If Riza's died and that _is_ her ghost, she's going to be angry about being a child for eternity. I'll take the saws over that, thank you."

Ed shuddered dramatically. "I'll take any other ghost over hers, child or adult. Let's move on before she notices we’re out here."

They did, walking so closely together now that their shoulders brushed against each other's. Roy barely looked where he was going, too busy trying to look at Ed without making it obvious what he was doing, and he was caught by surprise when they reached the back door. He and Ed stared at it. It stared malevolently back.

Somebody had painted a portrait of Riza on it.

"Holy shit," Ed said breathlessly. "I thought it was actually her for a second. I almost fucking pissed myself."

"Was this here when we got here?" Roy asked blankly. "I swear it was just door-colored earlier today. They didn't even get _along_ ; that's why Berthold gave the house to me. Riza doesn't even want it."

"I think maybe somebody wants her to have it," Ed suggested. "Ancestral thing, maybe. The ghosts want us to leave. Spooky!"

"Oh, shut up," Roy groaned. Ignoring the unexplainable portrait for the time being, he opened the door and stepped out into the cool night air. The moon was bright and full, looking almost deliriously close without any clouds obscuring it, and a slight breeze made goosebumps rise on his skin. Ed moved in a little closer to him, probably wanting to share Roy's body heat but unwilling to ask for it. Roy shook his hand free of Ed's and, before he could think better of it, wrapped his arm around Ed's shoulders and pulled him in close. Ed stiffened and stared up at him with wide eyes.

"Cold night," Roy murmured. He couldn't keep himself from turning his gaze down to Ed's face, lingering briefly on his lips before forcing himself to gain eye contact.

"Y-yeah, sure," Ed said, folding his arms against his chest. His eyes skittered away briefly, looking at anything but Roy, and then they locked on his eyes again and stayed there. "Uh. Wasn't there a crash-thing we were supposed to be checking out?"

"Supposed to be, yes," Roy agreed, raising his other hand to touch Ed's cheek gently with his fingertips. Ed's breath seemed to catch in his throat. "But must we?"

As if to prove that they should, the crash came again. It was even louder now that they were outside, and Ed flinched violently closer to Roy's body even as he twisted his head around in search of the cause. Roy wrapped his arm more securely around Ed's shoulders, but raised his other hand in preparation to snap if the need arose. Ed's fingertips dug painfully into his biceps.

"Yeah," Ed said. "I think maybe we should go find out what that is."

Roy sighed, but obligingly dropped his hand from around Ed's shoulders. Resisting the urge to take the shorter man's hand again, he led the way over to the source of the noise. At the corner of the house, they both pressed their backs up against the wall, and Roy raised his hand in preparation of a fight. He and Ed shared a long, dark look, and Ed nudged Roy's shoulder with his own.

Roy leapt around the corner of the house, fingers poised in front of him, and there was a third crash as the last trash can was knocked over by a _very_ startled cat. It landed on the ground in front of him, hissing. Roy slowly lowered his arm.

"All of that for a fucking _cat_?" Ed growled, stomping past Roy and picking it up with his right hand. It twisted in his grip, digging its claws into his sleeve. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Mangy little shit. You must be starved. Those cans have been empty for weeks."

"Do you think she ate out of these regularly?" Roy asked with some distaste. The cat seemed to be content to try to claw Ed's sleeve to shreds, so he moved forward for a closer inspection. It really was pathetically thin. "Maybe we could give her some milk."

"Ugh, no, you don't even want to know what that does to their shit," Ed said, his nose wrinkled cutely in disgust. "There's gotta be some raw meat in the freezer we can defrost, right? Or some lunch meat? We're stuck here for three more days because of that crazy bastard; somebody had to have left us some food."

Ed tucked the cat under his arm, glaring down at it when it growled about the treatment, but she she didn't try to harm him except to claw at his automail again. Ed snorted and stormed back toward the door, grumbling under his breath.

Shaking his head, Roy swiftly righted the trash cans and followed after him. Ed would probably distract himself with the cat for a while, but hopefully they could get back to what she had interrupted. If not, well, they _did_ have three more days.

Three more days of mysterious noises in a haunted house, where random portraits of Riza appeared on the doors. With his luck, he'd just end up feeling her eyes boring into the back of his neck every time he made a move on Ed. Not that this had ever stopped him before, but it might be a little more pressing to deal with the malevolent haunted house than his possible relationship. Maybe.

He'd have to see.

**Author's Note:**

> Ed ends up calling the cat Spooky Shithead (“Spook” for short), and gives her to Al as a gift. Al is greatly offended by this name, but she won’t respond to anything else. Nothing has ever made Ed happier.
> 
> It's _possible_ but HIGHLY UNLIKELY that there will one day be a sequel to this story. Which will partly resolve the open ending.  >.>


End file.
